


No One Ever Decides

by Escalus



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Christmas Party, Mystery, Post-Season/Series 05, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7250119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Escalus/pseuds/Escalus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At a Christmas party at the McCall's, Alan Deaton offers perspective on how even the most well-meaning person can become the villain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Ever Decides

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short fiction without much action. I always wondered how Deaton would have explained his actions in Season 1 and Season 2. I understood why the television show never breached the topic -- Deaton's Season 1 behavior had to be kept ambiguous in order to keep up the suspicion that he may have been the alpha. I thought about including it in other fiction, but as a thought-piece, I think it can stand on its own.
> 
> Please feel free to discuss it in the comments!

The Christmas party at the McCall House was entering its final stage – the blissed out, tired, contemplative stage – which was just as good as the other stages but tinged with melancholy because it was the last stage. People had broken down into groups, talking, laughing, and whispering to each other.

Scott and Stiles sat with eggnog which may or may not have been sneakily spiked with rum, but it was not enough to get them drunk. It was more the idea of having the rum than actually being drunk, which was true for Scott, especially. It felt like a secret celebration.

As time passed, Stiles became aware of a frown settling on Scott’s features, evolving slowly as if the sun had begun to set behind storm clouds. Stiles knew that look; Scott was thinking, and that was never a good sign. “What’s the matter? And if you say nothing, I’ll brain you with the fruitcake.”

Scott looked guilty for a moment. “I was just thinking about Theo.”

“Because of course you were thinking about Señor Psychopath at a Christmas party.” One day, Stiles knew, he would hurt his eyes rolling them this hard. “What were you thinking about?”

“I don’t get him. I still don’t get him. Everyone else . . .” By which he clearly meant all the assholes that had tried to kill them in the last three years. “I understood everyone else after things were done, even if they were totally crazy. Well, except for it, but it was never human so there’s that.” He sighed. “But I am sitting here and everything’s good, and I keep asking myself – why wasn’t it enough for him?”

“He was ... _again!_ ... a psychopath!” 

“He kinda won though. He had what he wanted – a pack and maybe it wasn’t the one he originally wanted – and he was our age. I would give anything to just slow things down, to enjoy what I have now, but he kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and I can’t even imagine his endgame. Was he just totally broken?”

Stiles was about to make a joke about Theo’s endgame being an engraved ticket to hell courtesy of Kira, but before he could do that, a voice startled him. 

Deaton suddenly offered from behind them. “I could give you some insight on that, if you wanted.” 

Stiles hadn’t jump-flailed like that for a year, at least. “Dude, did you take stalker lessons from Derek?”

Scott smiled, jumped up and pulls another chair nearby for the veterinarian, but the gesture wasn’t something you would do for your boss. It would be something you would do for your dad.

Deaton sat and took a sip of the coffee he had before he began. “There are two maxims I try to remember when dealing with enemies. The first one is _No one ever decides to be the villain_. The second one is _Evil is not a force; it is an event_. We are all capable of being the person who hurts other people; we are all capable of being the villain.”

Scott shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Stiles was more startled, again, by Scott’s anxiety, rather than by Deaton’s words. Stiles had had a front row seat when it came to being the villain, but he never thought Scott would feel the same way.

Stiles responded to this with sarcasm: “Except you, of course, Obi-wan.”

Deaton responded to Stiles with his patented side-eye, but he continued on in a serious vein. “Do you think that? You know me better now than when we first met. You know that I was the emissary to the Hale Pack, that I have been dealing with werewolves my whole adult life. Ask yourselves this question -- how long do you think it would have taken me to notice that Scott had been bit? How long did it take me to reveal to him what I knew?”

Scott suddenly frowned. Things had been so tumultuous during that time that he hadn’t really thought about it. There had been weeks between him being bit and him being shot by hunters, when Deaton had first openly helped him.

“So … you knew?” Stiles demanded.

“I knew by the second shift he worked after that night. The question that you need to hear the answer to is why did I not say anything? Why did I leave you to figure out how to control yourself with only the help – the very effective help, mind you – of Stiles?” 

Stiles beamed at the compliment. 

Scott was even more troubled, because those are very good questions that he had never asked himself. That he had never wanted to ask himself.

“Now, looking back on it, the answer is relatively simple. I was afraid and I was selfish.” Deaton’s voice was calm and confident, as he always was. “The Hale family was destroyed under my care. You both understand that now, don’t you? An emissary’s duty is to offer guidance, teaching, and grounding to the pack. A druid’s duty is to maintain the balance. This requires a certain objectivity that can be very uncomfortable or it can be too comfortable; it both binds your hands and gives you a built-in excuse.”

“Most of the time, an emissary’s behavior is vitally important to a pack. The pack is a lot like a family, but that type of emotional connection, reinforced by a werewolf’s more aggressive tendencies, can blind them to certain realities. In the Hale’s case, the pack was a family, so they, in fact, needed my expertise more, which is why their alpha, Talia, isolated me from them. An emissary’s objectivity helps give the Alpha the perspective to make the right decisions. However, the problem with me was that I was not objective; I became emotionally invested in the Hale pack.”

“In the aftermath of the fire, it was very easy for me to determine the truth of what had occurred, while people like your father, Stiles, were baffled by the situation. I knew the truth and it horrified me. Yes, I knew what Kate Argent had done. As many people do, especially when they lose someone they love, I blamed myself. I was supposed to be objective, and I was not, so in punishment, I retreated into the same passive objectivity that I was supposed to have maintained.”

Stiles’s eyes were getting bigger by the moment. These were the most words Deaton had ever strung together . . . ever.

“I have always insisted that I was a veterinarian because that was the only thing I was, in my own mind. I believed I had turned my back on my duties as a druid and an emissary. I even gave serious thought to moving on, moving away from Beacon Hills, but I could not do it due to my guilt. My experience was not as traumatic as Derek’s or Peter’s, but even I used my skills to look for a reason to stay. I found one, though it wouldn’t come for a few years after the fire -- you.”

Scott shifted uncomfortably again. “Did you . . . did you know I was going to become a werewolf?” This was hard for him to say, because if it were true, it would be a betrayal to him, one that he wasn’t sure he could forgive.

Before Deaton could answer, Stiles jumped in. “That’s not how divinations work, Scott. That’s what you did, wasn’t it? You only looked for a reason to stay.”

“Very perceptive, Stiles. The answer you get depends on the question you ask.” He pauses. “So, when you were bitten, I realized that I was afraid. You have learned that the world of the supernatural can be very violent; you were in danger. But to teach you what you would have needed to know, I would have had to become an emissary once again. And emissaries are supposed to be objective, and I was selfish.”

Scott protested. “You never lied to me. You helped me.”

“Scott, thank you for that, but I could have helped you so much more. I could have helped you learn to control the change much more quickly. I could have told you that Derek’s offer to let you kill Peter so you could become human was a lie. I could have warned you that Peter was going to try to kill Allison’s family. I could have urged you to join Derek’s pack, because it is always better for a wolf to be in a pack. I could have convinced you that it was better for the pack to put your own desires to one side. I could have refused to help in your plan against Gerard. But I did not, because to do that, our relationship would have had to change, and I did not want it to change. I risked your life so we could stay as we had been, because I had already lost so much, and I did not wish to lose any more.”

“Were it not for outside events, I would have left you ignorant and an omega because I wanted you to remain as you were.” Deaton looked sad. “No one ever decides to be the villain.”

Scott noise of protest is loud enough to draw attention from the rest of the first floor. He smiles at everyone and apologized before turning back to the vet. “Aren’t you being a little hard on yourself?”

“Not if it is the truth. As I said, I am trying to give you insight on how someone could let themselves be carried away to the point of hurting other people. My only reason for not sharing everything back then was a desire to protect you from my past. That was not fair, and it hurt you. I am truly glad that I had the moral composition not to become more aggressive in my actions.”

Stiles craned his neck. “I feel like I’m eavesdropping in this, but that sounded like a threat.”

“There were many things I contemplated doing. I could have betrayed Peter to the Argents while concealing your existence; once he was gone, the Argents would have moved on. I could have given Peter the assistance he requested in return for him leaving you alone; I have ways of making sure promises are binding. I could have manipulated both sides into destroying each other. The point of this is not to boast, but to explain how one event can lead to another.”

“But you changed, didn’t you?” Scott asked. 

“The simple answer that puts me in a favorable light is yes; the more accurate answer is slowly. The most honest answer is – not until Stiles confronted me about the Darach’s sacrifices.” He smiled. “Of course, I helped heal you. Of course, I told you what you needed to know. But I wasn’t really honest with you, was I?”

Stiles grinned. “Not that I like taking credit where credit is due, but I have to agree with Scott. You are being too hard on yourself. It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

“In this case, yes.” The veterinarian smiled back at him. “And I am thankful for that. But I am sure you two could image what might have happened if I had gone a little farther – if I had justified what I wanted over what was right.” He stood up. “I hope that helps you with your trouble.”

“Maybe,” Scott answered and then he stood up and hugged Deaton. “But I want you to understand something – whatever you think you ought to have done, what you did do is a reason I’m still here, so … thanks.”

Stiles handled Deaton some eggnog and they all sat down to talk about something else.


End file.
